Resolutions are fun to make. They are less fun to keep. The illusion of a new year as an opportunity for a new you is really just an opportunity for illusion. Most resolutions are based around breaking bad habits and replacing these with good ones. But habits are hard to break and create, and apparently the 21 day thing is all a big myth. This January, instead of (or as well as) setting your lofty, long-term aspirations, use this list as a daily guide. You can think of it as a 31 day challenge or 31 mindful intentions or 31 steps to a better you—whatever catchy title your subconscious is sucked into.

You can approach this list in two ways. As 31 things to do, or 1 thing to do each day. So even if you only accomplish 3 out of the 31, you’ve reached 3 goals. Which is a pretty high success rate compared to your recycled resolutions that you never actually keep. This is a very Gen Y list in that even the most useless of us win. It is a little bit serious but mostly light-hearted and humorous, exactly how life should be.

  1. It’s the first of the month so we’ll go easy: floss.
  2. Serial is over, kids. Time to find a new podcast to talk about.
  3. Watch an America’s Funniest Home Video’s ‘best of’ on Youtube. Animal variety is recommended.
  4. Throw that thing out of your wardrobe that makes you feel fat every time you put it on and never wear. It is an evil measure of your self worth, as well as your ass.
  5. Tell a joke. Remember how jokes used to be funny? They still are.
  6. Give Netflix a break, read a book instead.
  7. Eat in today. Breakfast, lunch and dinner.
  8. No booze today. Sorry.
  9. Let yourself off the hook for something. Like the wine you drank yesterday.
  10. Call a parent. Offer something instead of asking for something.
  11. Handwrite a letter to your Nana if you are still lucky enough to have one.
  12. Let someone else win. This may be the hardest thing on this list for you Type A control freaks. We see you.
  13. Exercise. Taryn Toomey’s class is particularly good for shedding the ‘old you’.
  14. When your alarm goes off this morning, do not check your email on your phone. Bite your fist if you have to. Wait until after breakfast.
  15. Eat something bad for you that tastes good.
  16. Eat something good for you that tastes bad.
  17. Tip your cab driver or server a dollar more than usual. Actually, make it two.
  18. Iron your wrinkled stuff. This takes way more mental effort than it does in reality. We are exhausted just thinking about this.
  19. Buy a plant. A small one that requires little to no maintenance.
  20. On this fine Tuesday do not use your phone while in transport. This includes walking, subway, taxi, moped, scooter, rollerblading. If you rollerblade then this list cannot help you.
  21. How about no coffee? Dare you.
  22. Give yourself a gift. This can range from a sleep in, an actual lunch break that you never take, or a Celine bag. Your call.
  23. Write down one thing you can let go of. Live this day without it. Make this a Friday activity, see if it becomes an every day activity.
  24. Do that thing that girls on blogs do that you want to do but never get around to doing. Like dry brushing a la Stevie Dance.
  25. Do some more exercise. A different kind to what you did last time. (31 things is a lot, OK)
  26. Take a new route to work or wherever it is you go each day. You will either a. see a cool tree/cafe/sidewalk that you haven’t seen before b. get stuck in traffic c. meet the love of your life on a street corner
  27. Buy a card. Write in it. Give it to someone you care about for no particular occasion or reason.
  28. Fellow New Yorkers: Buy some Vitamin D tablets. Swallow a fistful and pretend you are in Tulum. Because everyone has been to Tulum except you.
  29. Donate to charity. Anywhere between $5 and $5million is good, as long as you do it.
  30. Make a Breakfast Criminals breakfast and pretend you are a fancy food blogger.
  31. Tell someone who you hate that you hate them. Joking! Don’t do that. Tell someone that you love them. In fact, do this every day.

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